tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-275890882024-03-19T05:50:21.732-07:00VergeRelationships, Marriage, Purpose, Passions, ParenthoodUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-26229322306282523702019-08-25T14:54:00.000-07:002019-08-25T14:54:44.912-07:00Abstinent Again?So quite a few years have passed since I started this blog. Let me put it this way; when I started this blog there was no Snapchat or Insta, and Facebook was a baby. Things change. The world has changed. The internet has changed. Guess what hasn't changed? Me. I'm still abstinent. Actually...<br />
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I'm not abstinent. I wasn't abstinent when I started the blog all those years ago. I was married then and I'm still married now...to the same man. But I'm still pushing purity. I'm still saying that the greatest path to the success you want to be and the you you are now is purity. Why? Because purity clears your mind. It clears your mind of all your doubts, regrets, self-loathing and other things that clutter your mind when you aren't living naked and unashamed before God. Unholy sex makes us hide, just like Adam hid in the garden. Being with people in ways we know we shouldn't makes us ashamed.<br />
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These days it's not cool to be ashamed. It's cool to be out-loud with our choices, whether good or bad. It's cool to own our decision whether they hurt ourselves or others. Be bold with your badness. And I get the idea of being responsible for yourself. But it's not cool to act like your life is good when it's not. That's fine for the public, but when you get home, you still feel that heavy, nagging feel that something isn't right and you're not clean. God didn't make us to live with the burden of sin. He wants us to be clean and we get that by confessing our sins and faults to him and allowing a holy God to absolve us of our sin.<br />
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So I'm back to say, Hey! If that's you. I know what you're missing. And because I've been there, I know what you need. Let God clean you up. Not accuse you, not punish you. God just wants... you. He wants to spend time with you, show you who he is and then show you who you are...who he created you to be. I will spend as long as it takes to encourage you to embrace a pure mind that believes everything that God says about you. You're worth it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-61402788981519442592012-03-15T09:36:00.000-07:002012-03-15T09:36:32.010-07:00Calling All GirlfriendsOne way to keep your friends close is to include them in the journeys of your life. If you've recently made an important decision, let your close friends know. If you 've undertaken a new wellness journey, like a fitness routine or new nutritional routine, no matter how many other times you told your friends you were turning over a new leaf, do it again. A true friend will never stop encouraging you. <br />
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On the other hand, if you're going through a rough time, don't hold it in. Writing and wellness research shows that when someone goes through a difficult time, the more friends they have, the better they go through it. What is also true is that if you go through something difficult and keep it secret, that secrecy impedes your recovery. In the latter scenario, the more friends you have, the worse off you are for keeping your pain a secret (because you're keeping it from so many people--it's like you have to constantly pretend that you're ok). How can you reach out? Here are a few ideas:<br />
<ul><li><strong>Set up an "exercise date."</strong> Call a nearby friend to reconnect and do something good for your bodies at the same time. If there's a class or activity you've wanted to try, taking the plunge with a friend can make it feel less daunting. Or simply take a walk with your friend instead of going out to eat, and use the time to catch up. You'll save money <em>and</em> calories!</li>
<li><strong>Make a phone date.</strong> Catch up with a friend or family member who lives far away. Block out some time for it so that you won't be interrupted. Your friend or relative will surely be thrilled to hear from you — <em>and</em> you'll get to talk about the changes you're making in your life. It'll be uplifting!</li>
<li><strong>Reach out.</strong> Get back in touch with a friend or family member who seems to have slipped away. Whether you reach out by phone, e-mail, or letter doesn't matter; the only thing that matters is showing that you still care.</li>
<li><strong>Write about it.</strong> Write about your issue and then trust a friend to read it. Be sure that your friend is an encourager because sharing difficult information with someone who isn't affirming can set you back in your journey to healing.</li>
</ul>This post was adapted from Denise Austin's "Morning Stretch."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-81142614877001927952011-12-25T19:38:00.000-08:002011-12-25T19:38:34.379-08:00Special DeliveryOn the patient care board on the wall they wrote pain management and support under the heading Today’s Goals. Showing their adherence to those goals they offered me Motrin and Morphine which I refused. Each of my nurses offered me genuine care. Nilsa assured me that I had done nothing to cause my baby to die. Abby and I spent the most time together. She started the induction process. Dixie was there to take over the process and she was the one who caught the baby when I delivered him. She cut open the embryonic sac, swaddled my 6 inch baby, and took pictures of me and Darrell as we held him. Chaplain Phil relayed stories of his own stillborn brother, emphasizing the importance of replacing the dreams we had for Noah with memories of him. He told us of the impact a memorial service and burial would have on our children who, without it, might wonder where there brother is. <br />
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The theme of support was set by the registrant who hugged me and whispered Christ-honoring blessings in my ear when I started to cry. Others were equally personable. The nurse assistant who led us to our room talked about pampering her dog and keeping nice and warm in the winter. When I commented on her pretty, big, red watch, the IV tech mentioned that the staff had been told not to wear Christmas scrubs and the watch was the best she could do to celebrate the season. Trying to make conversation, my husband said that he figured the rule was made because not everybody celebrated Christmas. Then in a pleasantly defiant way, IV tech remarked that a lot of people don’t celebrate a lot of things. I said I guess you’re right but you never hear of a place banning hearts or the color pink on Valentine’s Day. We all had a laugh then. After one more quip about how we all wear green on March 17th even though we’re not Irish, she left.<br />
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My friend Kia had come to visit at about 10am and stayed until just after the induction suppositories were in place. We talked about the blessing of being women and having other women to relate to. She had never had a miscarriage, but she experienced a close friend lose her two children as they progressively got sicker in the womb due to a medical condition. In both cases, the mother had to deliver a thirty-nine week old dead child. My baby was only sixteen weeks. Before she left, after we had laughed and cried together, she prayed for my husband and me; it was an earnest prayer, powerful and heartfelt. She assured me that God would somehow use this experience to minister to other women.<br />
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They began the contraction inducing medication at about 11:30. By then I had been there for two and a half hours. I would have a dose—six pills inserted near my cervix—every six hours until I delivered the baby. By 4pm I was contracting steadily. It was noticeable but not too uncomfortable. Twenty minutes after the next dose the contractions became stronger. At 6:49 and they were coming one minute apart. I know the time because I was texting my mother who was at work in Arizona hanging on my every word. She wished she could have been there. When I couldn’t text her anymore, I asked my husband to do it. By seven thirty-five I knew I would deliver soon. The contractions were lasting from thirty-five to thirty-nine seconds and I began to feel the pressure that signaled it was time to push. I also felt the baby drop lower in my body in reaction to my cervix dilating. At seven forty-four I was ready to push. I delivered the baby, who was still in the protection of the embryonic sac, at seven fifty.<br />
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I was happy that Noah had come out still in the embryonic sac. I had been warned by the doctor that one of the complications that could occur in this type of induction was that after the baby was delivered, it could take a long time and the assistance of D and C (dilatation and curettage) to get out the placenta. I was amazed to see the sac intact, wobbling like jello, about the size of a partially inflated whoopi cushion. Noah was inside. We could see his pale legs inside the magenta tinted sac. We waited a while. Then Dixie cut open the sac to allow the moment we had waited for. We got to hold and inspect our baby. He, like all babies, was precious. His hands and feet were tiny, a little bigger than the size of a pencil eraser, but his head and torso were bigger, making his whole body be about the length of our hands. I thought it was funny that his penis was already pronounced. He was definitely a boy, our precious Noah who I wished I could nurse back to life and who would live in our hearts forever.<br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">My husband had been with me emotionally since he found out I was pregnant. It was he who had come up with the name Noah after the first ultrasound. The baby was resting and wouldn’t move the way we wanted him to. So he thought of the name Noah, which means rest, comfort. When he was called to the doctor’s office upon the news that the baby’s heart had stopped beating, he had wanted to see the ultrasound for himself. After confirming that our son was no longer alive, his priority became to assure that Noah was treated respectfully through the process of delivery and afterward. We hadn’t decided whether that meant a burial or cremation, but we knew we couldn’t allow Noah to be treated as routine hospital bio-hazardous waste. We didn’t know then that Kennestone Hospital wouldn’t treat any baby that way. They had a hospital sponsored plot of land at a nearby cemetery where they would bury the ashes of all little ones who were lost in the hospital. My husband researched funeral homes and talked to the doctor and chaplain about our options. When the baby was delivered though, he was just as amazed and entranced as I was and we sat there praising God and admiring our child who was made in the image of God.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WvH8DqICO8A/TvfrMbTDrmI/AAAAAAAAAm4/SRg7fZ9xXs8/s1600/IMG_0205bw.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WvH8DqICO8A/TvfrMbTDrmI/AAAAAAAAAm4/SRg7fZ9xXs8/s320/IMG_0205bw.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-82698829119166838762011-10-08T09:21:00.000-07:002019-08-25T15:04:31.234-07:0010 yearsAbout three weeks ago my husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. To celebrate we traveled through the midwest just because I had never seen that part of the country. We stopped at Ruby Falls (Tennessee) along the way and we visited the <a href="http://www.creationmuseum.org/">Creation Museum</a> in Petersburg, Ky. The Museum was one of the highlights of the trip. We used to attend apologetic events sponsored by <a href="http://www.answersingenesis.org/">Answers in Genesis</a> years ago. It was always faith affirming to hear people who based their ideas about the earth's formation and animal genealogy on the scriptures. The Creation Museum helped us revisit our purpose for being together. Beyond loving eachother and wanting to make a life together, we want our union to bring others to Christ through direct evangelism, especially in our spheres of influence which happen to be education and business.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmY8-Cy1oaVF4psu77S2KXMeC6hbsKNtgI2roj74FIeFSCpegTin3Rhxyod4I-SVet7HAXfF71JVJHxSfnItZR1tbs2LBo01OdM-p-_NlW0YgwFlt5qG9bKTpfIcOYRPxE7ElV/s1600/cleveland+art+and+Lake+016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmY8-Cy1oaVF4psu77S2KXMeC6hbsKNtgI2roj74FIeFSCpegTin3Rhxyod4I-SVet7HAXfF71JVJHxSfnItZR1tbs2LBo01OdM-p-_NlW0YgwFlt5qG9bKTpfIcOYRPxE7ElV/s320/cleveland+art+and+Lake+016.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
We also visited Cincinnati and Cleveland. We had a great time at the Cleveland Museum of Art and at Lake Erie. Our friends in Cleveland, the Scotts, and the Calloways in Cincinnati made us feel right at home. I noticed that people in Cincinnati love chili. Though we got our times crossed and didn't get to tour the <a href="http://www.undergroundrailroad.com/">Underground Railroad Museum</a>, I still took a picture under Rosa Parks Blvd.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-69754073779034169902009-07-10T13:53:00.000-07:002009-07-10T14:07:11.178-07:00Regaining Sexual Integrity<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3qxFXphgtedjs5ICCVLz4FRMPkj-QrHSTIeFg5SypCePRiCo6YIW4StBkASHk4tXrFecS3nECto6694vrsmDYm5zgKdEfO7YGAwnBQtHoSv6T9iCbFAWK6OPBMZB7jfXQRwxp/s1600-h/Promiscuity.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5356938000810843714" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3qxFXphgtedjs5ICCVLz4FRMPkj-QrHSTIeFg5SypCePRiCo6YIW4StBkASHk4tXrFecS3nECto6694vrsmDYm5zgKdEfO7YGAwnBQtHoSv6T9iCbFAWK6OPBMZB7jfXQRwxp/s320/Promiscuity.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>In this book Tanya Martin walks Christians who struggle with sexual sin through the steps and processes to beating the habits of intercourse, masturbation, and pornography. Along the way she discusses the many roots of the sex problem in Christendom: self-esteem issues, refusal to curb media diets, picking and choosing which parts of the bible to believe, not forgiving ourselves, and not letting go of disappointments (about family dysfunction, broken hearts, etc.), lack of scripture memorization, and lack of meditating (repeating, singing, humming, remembering, talking about with friends and family) on scriptures that express how God feels about us. This book caused my heart to break again for the lowly lives we lead which fall far beneath our God-given potential. Especially in light of the recent affair by the South Carolina Senator, and the homicide of Steve McNair by his lover, my heart cries out to Christians to keep trying until we gain victory in this area.<br /><br />Though the title suggests that Martin will treat the Proverbs 31 woman, she does not. I posit that the title is Martin’s way of reminding us that abstinence is only until marriage. At marriage, we bring our virtue as singles into our new relationship and allow it to be shaped by God in partnership with our spouse. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-80583942558466828032009-06-19T11:10:00.000-07:002009-07-10T14:06:53.516-07:00Celibacy in College<span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)"><strong>by Tamara F. </strong></span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)"></span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">College can be and most often is the most fun, exciting carefree times in a person’s life. Things can get very crazy and exciting: the parties, the barbecues, spring break, crazy roommates, boyfriends and girlfriends, and lots and lots of casual sex. Most of us have been there and know exactly what I am talking about. Sex is just a part of the college culture whether we like to admit it or not. If you are not having it, you are deemed a conquest, abnormal, or probably a “Jesus freak”. As a woman who decided to take the path of celibacy, I was met with those assumptions.<br /></span><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">I decided to take this path after realizing that having sex can seriously complicate a relationship, and I was tired of residing in a place of not knowing how I was being perceived by my significant other. I had plenty of guy friends who would tell me stories about being with a girl just so that they'd have a steady flow of sex in their lives, even though they could care less that girl, was messing around with a slew of others and would oftentimes dog her behind her back to his friends because she was not a girl that he cared about. Then I had tons of girlfriends who would just have casual sex all the time just to secure a date! When I say date I don’t mean dinner and movies, but just someone to call company, be it in their dorm rooms or at 3am at his apartment. They were looking for the type of love or approval that you will NEVER get by bed hopping. </span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">I did not want this to be me. </span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)"></span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">The easiest solution I had, was not to put myself in that position any longer. I would know that my guy is truly there for me once he put that ring on my finger and declared me as his and only his forever until death, yes… FOREVER. </span><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;"></span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">Celibacy can be a beautiful thing, especially while living in the midst of all the craziness that college has to offer, the good times and bad. By taking a vow of celibacy, you quickly decrease the bad. You easily eliminate some of the most difficult issues that college can hand to a person; unplanned pregnancies and possible abortions, STDs, bad reputations, life changing secrets for the future etc. So much like myself, I would suggest those who are in college to do themselves this favor, and just make life a tad bit easier and find a new hobby :)</span><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Meet our intern Tamara Ferguson, a recent graduate of San Diego State University. Tamara earned a BA in Women’s Studies and is pursuing a law degree. In San Diego, Tamara was active in service organizations that targeted women, including <a href="http://www.therocksandiego.org/ministries/jcsgirls/">JC’s Girls</a> </span><span style="font-size:85%;">an outreach ministry to women who are looking for support as they exit the adult entertainment industry. We are so happy to have Tamara with us. We're sure she'll go on to change the world!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-49646250951746298802009-01-22T07:20:00.000-08:002009-01-22T17:48:13.445-08:00Lost Hope<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyTXjARPKyLo_TnlUD-_zElPOsIFuA6qOnK0SqhzuwyiMG8kdaCTRaYsTTCFrSye8jnopccAUWn67BqEDp8u3lRTCHEfvBrJr8vw3F-ZNtEwPsz0jIZQUMV1xJbRQ5I0PQ3Qk7/s1600-h/slavefamily.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 165px; height: 170px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyTXjARPKyLo_TnlUD-_zElPOsIFuA6qOnK0SqhzuwyiMG8kdaCTRaYsTTCFrSye8jnopccAUWn67BqEDp8u3lRTCHEfvBrJr8vw3F-ZNtEwPsz0jIZQUMV1xJbRQ5I0PQ3Qk7/s320/slavefamily.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294141374480165650" /></a><br />Today I will attend Together for Life a rally and silent march for the unborn. This is one of the yearly cause awareness events that I attend. This year I am anxiously awaiting the keynote address which will be given by Dr. Alveda King, the niece of the late Dr. Martin Luther King. On the rally flyer, Dr. A. King was quoted as saying, “The right of life is a civil right that transcends political parties.” I’m sure this quote was used to draw the connection to King’s family and the Civil Rights Movement and to show her awareness of how polarized US political parties have become, especially in their rhetoric surrounding issues related to pregnancy and the unborn.<br /><br />I was “delivered” from ethnocentricity or afrocentricity years ago, so I don’t intentionally allow race to guide my thoughts on all other issues. But it strikes me that not more of those who consider themselves Black or African-American first and above all are concerned about the health inequities related to abortion and African-Americans. The largest percent of women who seek abortions are African-American. That means the largest percent of babies who are aborted are black. People will explain that poverty and/or fatherlessness are correlated to those statistics, but there is a more significant factor which those statistics demonstrate. What those who seek abortion express is that they have lost hope; they've lost hope in their ability to succeed against all odds, and lost hope that Almighty God will not allow the righteous to be forsaken.<br /><br />Since I have brought up Civil Rights, I’ll end with an analogy drawn from an even darker era of black history: slavery. Slavery was, in most cases, debilitating for Blacks, yet motherhood was not abandoned. Some would argue that slavery was grounds for abortion, a case which is made in Toni Morrison’s <em>Beloved</em>, but I do not share that opinion, nor did enough of the pregnant slaves. As African-Americans we have ourselves as evidence. The hope that is within me demands that I hold a different opinion--one that labors in hope even when my environment would influence me to give up. I hope this year, as I do every year, that more of my brothers and sister would adopt this hope when they are faced with unfavorable circumstances surrounding a pregnancy--when they are faced with the option of choosing life for their unborn.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-78405350536870714102008-09-14T10:11:00.000-07:002008-09-14T19:47:59.395-07:00The Trouble with Immorality (and Singleness)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiJnFUTlpwNmhBKaOqOEnVyIA9k4_kwni9OcJLNXQ3-Yc-aZD4I_0mEIJpaOOvdHiMuDpy1DRIBQmiuUbsmwGQb3l1sKI2aopDXDFPBPzg250mULhkwIsS6685AHZ7Grbss0Xx/s1600-h/Trinity+pillars.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5245927453882373922" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiJnFUTlpwNmhBKaOqOEnVyIA9k4_kwni9OcJLNXQ3-Yc-aZD4I_0mEIJpaOOvdHiMuDpy1DRIBQmiuUbsmwGQb3l1sKI2aopDXDFPBPzg250mULhkwIsS6685AHZ7Grbss0Xx/s320/Trinity+pillars.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>The following article is posted in response to a message I received by an anonymous reader.<br /><br />Dear anonymous,<br />I appreciate your concern for the low rate of marriage in the African American community. The central reason for this low rate of marriage is moral, and should not be blamed on black women disproportionately. First, promiscuity is the greatest contributor. Men have vigorous sex drives, and black men, assisted by media and urban myth, have allowed themselves to be driven and defined by sexual desire and conquest. Next, unmarried women who engage in sexual relationships perpetuate the rate of singlesness in the community. Men don’t commit because they don't have to and single abstinent women (a growing number) are not pursued because men continue having sex with women who will, and have no pressure to tame their immorality. But men’s untamed sex drive is just part of this problem; I will mention the other part below.<br /><br />The second reason for a low rate of marriage within the black community is related to single parenthood, and it is two-pronged. First let me say that single parenthood is only a problem insomuch as it is a problem for unmarried persons to engage in sex. I would speculate that black women are more inconsistent with contraception because of a moral battle inside them—they know sex before marriage is wrong, so they do not necessarily “plan” to have sex and therefore have not planned a consistent birth control method. (I personally don’t advocate artificial methods of birth control, so that’s all I will say about that.) At the same time, (I’m still speculating) African American women are more likely to mistrust contraceptive technologies (due to the sordid history of their creation related to eugenics) and may also (due to low self-esteem) suffer from an inner desire to want to get pregnant in order to maintain a connection to a man, or to have someone to love and who will love them unconditionally. This also perpetuates a cycle of fatherlessness in the African American community.<br /><br />Single parenthood in African American women is a roadblock to marriage in the sight of a man who is not confident in his ability to husband and father. Being a husband and/or father requires confidence in the ability to provide financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Black men in masse can not look to previous generations of black men as examples of how to handle these responsibilities and instead of seeking help they have generally retreated.<br /><br />The problems cited by the vlogs you mentioned, overweight and self-hate, are not central factors, they are just visually identifiable. And while they may be related to the central factor, immorality (or the inability to see and relate to God, yourself, and others appropriately), or even self-esteem, they are mainly peripheral.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-37538134313168953292008-06-25T13:08:00.000-07:002008-12-09T07:15:27.331-08:00Decision '08 and Abortion: Let's talk about it<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC_getpU4Lfd7hSfTlo0eXIU6EFu81H9sTL-za1L46ZrtEnOspFRCukw2dJ-wyFKoQzbWoYpblYXw94A_BTU9VRTYWKXtBv6SEQUPikhKRNtK2Scsi3r6l6AhKrWNPxpg_vu_f/s1600-h/obamano.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215916717800226482" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC_getpU4Lfd7hSfTlo0eXIU6EFu81H9sTL-za1L46ZrtEnOspFRCukw2dJ-wyFKoQzbWoYpblYXw94A_BTU9VRTYWKXtBv6SEQUPikhKRNtK2Scsi3r6l6AhKrWNPxpg_vu_f/s320/obamano.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I got an email today from the McCain Campaigners and it made me want to go to the website and actually see what the man was about. Then I went to one of my big issues: Life. After reading McCain's ideas: the Roe vs. Wade decision is flawed, return the abortion decision to states, and advocate for adoption, I went to Obama's site. Under his Women tag he wrote that he supports a woman's right to choose and this is what led me to start this discussion. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I switched camps from pro-choice to pro-life while at Spelman. I am against legalized abortion because I consider abortion murder: the killing of an innocent person. I am passionate about this issue since it affects me personally. The dark secret is that an alarming percentage of Spelman students (and all students since those 18-24 receive the most abortions) are affected by federal and national policies on abortion. This issue should be considered very seriously.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I know why women who are for legalized abortion support this issue: they name death from illegal abortion, a woman's right to choose, and the so-called single parent-poverty link as their reasons. I believe these concerns are scapegoats. If the concern is about the number dead, then why can the growing child be disregarded so quickly; why isn't adoption advocated at a much higher rate? Many of us high achievers come from single parent families who know that where their is a will there is a way; so, why isn't overcoming the single parent-poverty stigma a mantra of the women's movement? As far as the right to choose goes, if women are truly for equal rights, then why are rights of the baby trumped? Some eco-feminists fight for the rights of animals, yet won't consider transferring these same rights (not to feel pain, or be used in research) to a growing human. Since some pro-choicers are also against capitalism, they should also consider the greed of abortionists and the industry as a whole, which overrules better judgment and health issues for the love of money.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I think it's time that we address this issue for real. Those who support legalized abortion should at least acknowledge the failure of the abortion industry and advocates to call abortion what it is and to focus efforts on prevention in serious ways. The right to choose should include the right to make an educated decision. Deal with the reality of abortion in sex-ed . Name the surgical abortion procedures (they literally tear babies apart), show ultra-sonic videos of an abortion in progress (the child in the womb actually tries to avoid/get away from the vacuum which sucks it out). This education was in part what brought me to my decision to be pro-life.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>While this is one of the issues I consider when voting, I believe that change comes from the grassroots level. As people begin to disapprove of something, that change is seen in legistation.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I know that any woman or man who has experienced abortion personally has to deal with a great sense of loss and failure, but I know these feelings can be placed in the proper perspective: that was the past; What can I do today to show that I'm changed? If the answer is only "Get an IUD," then the cycle is not broken. A "real" so-called pro-choicer can be active in prevention in so many critical areas other than "safe sex" in the same way that I am for having a Correctional Facility, but I do all I can to discourage those in my sphere of influence from breaking the law and going to jail.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I would like those of us in this community to make a commitment to stop making excuses for ourselves and deal with this issue in our community as seriously as we deal with others. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-61308245842390814352008-01-24T13:08:00.000-08:002008-12-09T07:15:27.649-08:00Two Marches in January<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgewpavRsXafNQvi0phqMbgOUS8DlzPxcsoRl6DIX0gECW1AaXGl8zB5YNefDAg-9NUnTbZlHuSppgmSvwsliHgGs1LMarCA8XzN5PrjpQf7jhl1XqPTgZ7mjATd7acMpMACm6O/s1600-h/2march.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5159179740210318914" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgewpavRsXafNQvi0phqMbgOUS8DlzPxcsoRl6DIX0gECW1AaXGl8zB5YNefDAg-9NUnTbZlHuSppgmSvwsliHgGs1LMarCA8XzN5PrjpQf7jhl1XqPTgZ7mjATd7acMpMACm6O/s320/2march.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>As a family, my boys (5 and 3) and I attended the Marin Luther King, Jr. celebration organized by Kennesaw State University in Georgia. The commemoration included a program which featured Public Enemy founder, Chuck D as keynote speaker the singing of the Negro National Anthem as psuedo-benediction. The next activity was a symbolic March across campus lead by a young guest drumline. The march ended at a building across campus where refreshments were served.</div><br /><div></div><div>For better or worse, my husband was working while we celebrated. His was just one of the many non-governmental companys who do not compensate employees for this holiday, nor close up shop. While he didn't seem bothered about working on King day, I did miss his presence. Nevertheless, a lasting memory was made that my boys and I will share. Even now I am enjoying hearing my youngest try to articulately speak the name Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. What a mouthful.</div><div>----------</div><div> </div><div>The next morning we braved the cold and drizzle and arrived at the Georgia State Capital to participate in Together for Life. The activities of the day included an educational rally and silent march mourning the loss of babies through abortion, since abortion on demand through nine months of pregnancy was made possible through the court cases Roe V. Wade and Doe V. Bolton in 1973. This year the toll of abortive infant deaths reached nearly 50 million. Clerics, politicians and private citizens addressed a general theme of a national disregard for the highest ethical treatment of human life from conception to natural death. These statements took into account the week's announcement of a cloned human for the harvesting of the organs.</div><br /><div>This time only my eldest son accompanied me as we marched through downtown. At a point he turned and asked what abortion was. I wonder how those who advocate for reproductive rights would answer this question for a five year old as thoughtful as my son is. The thought of it makes me think of Norma McCorvey's (Jane Roe of Roe v. Wade) statement that the culture of abortion requires its inhabitants to numb themselves through substances and propaganda to withstand such a dehumanizing enterprise.</div><br /><div></div><div>As my son's question persisted, I told him that some women don't want to have babies when they get pregnant so they take the babies out and the babies die. That answer silenced the boy, probably giving him too much to think about, especially considering the way my own belly currently potrudes as I carry his sibling in month seven of gestation. I can only be caught off guard when he mentally retrieves the file of that conversation at some later date.</div><br /><div>I record this event here for myself and anyone who believes that pro-lifers' prime activity is plodding the destruction of neighborhood abortion clinics. By and large we are women who have seen the negative impact of abortion in our friends and families. Many of us have first hand experience and regret of some kind related to abortion. I encourage any pro-choicer reading to move from the outskirts to the center of this movement. Volunteer at a clinic and see if you still believe that abortion helps women. Then volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center and compare your experiences. There are ways to help pregnant women which don't involve encouraging or enabling abortion, the ends of which leave you without regret. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-29457214047193679242008-01-18T14:04:00.000-08:002008-12-09T07:15:27.773-08:00Three Life Issues<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmyEfQZP9YJgM4gSHQSoExGtn4iWEPD8tryFdeknDwjuVb0JTxlJ8O4gGidWQMBD9twEH2TnWPN6HYlr5khifGSqWl8OXlDBq1xk89clJJJY9r3ZXt4A-x2zZ8bf9o2tFeobC2/s1600-h/3life.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5159179237699145266" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmyEfQZP9YJgM4gSHQSoExGtn4iWEPD8tryFdeknDwjuVb0JTxlJ8O4gGidWQMBD9twEH2TnWPN6HYlr5khifGSqWl8OXlDBq1xk89clJJJY9r3ZXt4A-x2zZ8bf9o2tFeobC2/s320/3life.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div> </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>If you haven't yet visited, please visit <a href="http://adifferenceofopinion.blogspot.com/">http://adifferenceofopinion.blogspot.com/</a> to see the latest commentary on three life issues. A Difference of Opinion is a blog I post with a friend with whom I disagree about almost everything. But of course, we love eachother. We especially value in eachother our willingness to be loud and wrong.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-46321824566001783712007-07-23T18:07:00.000-07:002008-12-09T07:15:27.926-08:00Cycle-ogy<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfA9cTs26RMFRkQ6NrE8rd4u6IJJKxSKbyL0wyL7PN3OBTeVah6tuJ8CWcZAzz8CVu7l0QD6IQiGCh4Nv5cVgNCgH4PWxO4Z2bqwf_HJ6JaxgAXMDLLd7M23WMYkbtuBmHBCKz/s1600-h/fertility.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5159175428063153682" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfA9cTs26RMFRkQ6NrE8rd4u6IJJKxSKbyL0wyL7PN3OBTeVah6tuJ8CWcZAzz8CVu7l0QD6IQiGCh4Nv5cVgNCgH4PWxO4Z2bqwf_HJ6JaxgAXMDLLd7M23WMYkbtuBmHBCKz/s320/fertility.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>I taught my first class on fertility awareness/family planning a couple of weeks ago. It went well considering... The class featured a background and explanation of using symptothermal approaches to monitor fertility and achieve or postpone pregnancy. In essence a woman looks for cervical fluid and takes her temperature every morning to predict and confirm ovulation and the possibility of pregnancy. Our memorable equation was egg + sperm + cervical fluid = baby. </div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>We had a diverse crowd of married couples who were parents and prospective parents to attend the event. The men were suprisingly vocal in their family planning wants and don't wants. My husband shocked everybody by the candid way he spoke about our "relational intimacy." </div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>The girlfriend who asked me to do the class thinks it would be a hit at local churches. I think I'll look into this possibility in the coming weeks. For those who are curious, contact me and get a head start of informing yourself by reading Love and Fertility by Mercedes Arzu Wilson.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-59869058979006008922007-06-25T13:29:00.000-07:002008-12-09T07:15:28.019-08:00Daddy Bank Roll<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYg2nlVoreH5CyVtrUKLD5RhRWLRQlPw13HCLa6DohvonBn9-bS8wSmfQbSHW0Hcbxuco9WSE3W2W1z1VieVdwZ-tHFDCUaJRNyUj111KlcsE6xcgQZ1XbVw2tBgAc3sSB07e6/s1600-h/menmoney.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5159177171819875874" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYg2nlVoreH5CyVtrUKLD5RhRWLRQlPw13HCLa6DohvonBn9-bS8wSmfQbSHW0Hcbxuco9WSE3W2W1z1VieVdwZ-tHFDCUaJRNyUj111KlcsE6xcgQZ1XbVw2tBgAc3sSB07e6/s320/menmoney.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>If you read <a href="http://adifferenceofopinion.blogspot.com/">http://adifferenceofopinion.blogspot.com/</a> A Difference of Opinion you know that I recently challenged single women to be celibate and married women to expect more from their husbands; specifically, I asked them to expect him to be able to support his household without her income. To that challenge I received the typical response; "Are you crazy?"</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>The answer is yes, I'm just crazy enough to believe that the role of a man hasn't changed just because some cultures, including American, have. Somebody name me the benefits of wives taking on the responsibility for financially supporting the household. What this has done is given men less weight to carry. They have more freedom to do, well anything, while women are more burdened down than before the Revolution. </div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>I'm told that I just don't know the struggle of the single life. How could I, haven been married for nearly six years and I'm only 30. I wonder though, are women looking for advice on how to live a single life, or for how to ditch it for a double one of the married kind. I agree with Dawn Eden that hardest thing to do when you've been single for longer than you want </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-17350333643171928272007-05-11T15:48:00.000-07:002008-12-09T07:15:28.541-08:00Smart Love<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYbJPfLzH14F0OOQdmJ0Uxu1GvUj7C3hXfBMEyXByU-xyWmCzx8wahK1jPMsuzr7mr32xiiHo9ik4AcfqERVWD8GlcOwoGyKIHuQBQVT5GWEYK7cm7sTei6o7VySvnCca9fAu/s1600-h/SmartLove.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5067874816652252642" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYbJPfLzH14F0OOQdmJ0Uxu1GvUj7C3hXfBMEyXByU-xyWmCzx8wahK1jPMsuzr7mr32xiiHo9ik4AcfqERVWD8GlcOwoGyKIHuQBQVT5GWEYK7cm7sTei6o7VySvnCca9fAu/s320/SmartLove.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>A recent Associated Press article published by Yahoo declared that U.S. divorce rates are on the decline. Did anyone notice? Take a quick stab at the perceived reasons... (whistling......). If you guessed any of the following, kudos.<br /><br /><ol><br /><li>More people live together without marrying (10 times more likely now than in 1960)</li><br /><li>Less people marry today (down 30% since 1975)</li><br /><li>People wait longer to marry</li></ol><br /><p>Marriage scholars quoted in the article alerted us to another disparity. It's called the marriage divide. It seems that a couple's education and wealth play a role in whether couples will stay together. "The rate of breakups within 10 years of marriage dropped by one-third in college educated women while remaining stable among less educated women." The article goes further to say that couples who are staying together expect a less traditional wife role and that the wife working is the "great stabilizer" in the marriage.</p><br /><p>I don't know whether to cheer or yell. My critical side is saying that men are too comfortable not being expected to be the sole provider in the family. </p><br /><p>I remember gushing to a girlfriend in the second week after I married that being at home and not worrying about the bills "felt like what I was meant to do all my life." </p><br /><p>Today I'm less romantic about the stay at home lifestyle. I realize that it's not fun to be home all day because nobody else is there with you. Once you have kids you want to do anything but be home all day with them (they'd tear up the house) if you didn't get out of there. </p><br /><p>I'm happy that some things in marriages today are working, but we are far from being clear from danger. Men could use the pressure of being depended on. And women will have to learn domestic skills if children are going to realize their potential. As the article proclaimed, despite the positive trend in marriage outcomes, children are still getting a raw deal. </p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-1153867200412432122006-07-25T14:28:00.000-07:002006-07-25T16:09:46.356-07:00What if?When I was a teenager growing up my mom used to tell me to write things down. When I felt overwhelmed with things to do she'd say, "Write it down." When I expressed things that were important to me, "Write it down," she'd say. Around the time I was going to college my mom told me to envision the end of my life. She told me to think of the person I wanted to be when I was 80 and write that down. Then she told me to do the same in five year increments backward until I reached my current age. In that way, my mother taught me how to plan my future and become the person I wanted to be.<br /><br />Yesterday I read an article by two researchers who created a project to train women to create narratives that would be read by policy makers. The researchers' goal was to capture the women's stories and at the same time train them to write their stories in a rich, multi-rhetorical style that would minimize characterization or stereotyping by people outside of their cultural group. The writers of the narratives were women who were current or past recipients of Temporary Aid to Needy Families. In a summarizing section called “Taking Action,” one of the participants asked,<br /><br />“What if…? Older women/ teachers/ mentors in Jule’s [one of the participant’s] life had counseled her earlier about relationships? Then she might have felt more secure and savvy when dealing with her boyfriends. What if all young women were counseled in this way?”<br /><br />In her story, Jule explains that she was in her early twenties when she had sex for the first time with a man she had known for four and a half years and conceived a child. She felt close to the father and didn't believe in abortion. Years later she had a male friend that she only saw once a month. She had stopped taking birth control pills because they messed up her menstrual cycle. She conceived a second child.<br /><br />Jule proudly supports herself and her children on her own now, without the help of either father. In her story, she noted the steps it took to become self-supporting. She also noted the behaviors and ideologies, which she employed as a younger woman, that didn't serve her well.<br /><br />Her story is a reminder to me that God rains on the just and the unjust. For whatever reason God allowed me to make mistakes without conceiving. After several months of mistakes and by God's grace I committed to abstinence and maintained my position until I married four years later. My husband was a virgin when we married. Today my life is far different from the account above. My two sons were born to a mother and father who had committed in marriage to honor and support each other.<br /><br />When I wrote down in five-year increments who I wanted to be at each stage of my life, I wrote down married, but never wrote abstinent. I don't know why I overlooked something so important, but I hope that my children will learn from my mistake.<br /><br />Reference<br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Higgins, Lorraine, D. and Lisa D. Brush. “Personal Experience Narrative and Public Debate: Writing the Wrongs of Welfare.” College Composition and Communication 2006, June; 57(4): 694-729.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-1152322919061578232006-07-07T18:13:00.000-07:002006-07-07T18:41:59.103-07:00Percentage of Married Black Men at an All-time LowWhile doing research on the contemporary rhetoric of courtship I read an old article by Kevin Chappel in Ebony Magazine. The article was called, "The Case for Marriage". Chappell treated the relationship between Dr. and Mrs. Martin Luther King Jr. to make the case that marriage is a institution that serves not only the spouses, but the ministry or life work of the two involved. Among Chappell's powerful statements was the following:<br /><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote>"And even though studies reveal that married men live longer, happier lives-that they are healthier and more satisfied spiritually, professionally, materially, and emotionally than single men -the percentage of married Black men is at an all-time low."<br /><br />I commend Mr. Chappell for revealing the truth, but while he left out the fact that married men also more sexual satisfaction, he added a powerful statement:<br /><blockquote></blockquote>"For some reason, we think that shacking up is the same as marriage...But what we fail to understand or appreciate or respect is that innate need that man has for maintaining a long, loving relationship. It is central to our growth."<br /><br />In that short article (April 2006), I do believe Chappell said it all. But what I missed was the response of brothers or sisters to answer or at least acknowledge the call. I'm happily married, but my heart hurts for the state of courtship in America today. Chappell targeted the African-American community where the state of marriage is especially disheartening, but all American cultures could benefit from marriage training. Contemporary Christian ministries have picked up on this, but to make the greatest impact, help must reach those who are not seeking that help, yet find themselves in and out of romantic relationships. College is a prime time to teach relationship building and high school is another ready venue. Verge is going after those hearts that have that "innate need for maintaining a long, loving relationship."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27589088.post-1146842614569963042006-05-05T07:44:00.000-07:002006-05-05T08:31:34.976-07:00Relationship RXOne day people will get tired of wandering aimlessly into and out of relationships. Single adults will discover what they were meant to be and do. One day men and women will realize the power that lies in their compatibility; how a couple in unity are meant to change the world. One day women and men will acknowledge the place that sex has in a relationship for building trust and jealous commitment. One day children will once again be precious and not priced. Until then, I'll keep encouraging adults to find purpose, pursue purity, enjoy partnership, and embrace parenthood. With this blog I hope to connect with those who want to stop being a part of the free sex problem, those who want to find life by giving theirs away, and those who value family and community. You'll undoubtedly hear rants, stories, opinions, and some news. I hope this is the start of something real.<br /><br /><strong>Today's Takeaway</strong><br />If you are in a sexual relationship with someone you're not married to, ask yourself these questions:<br /><br />How did I get here?<br />Where do I want this to go?<br />Am I being honest with my partner about my feelings?<br />What is the purpose of this relationship?<br />Would I want my child to emulate my behavior in this relationship?<br />Am I whole enough independently to unite with another this way?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0