The Trouble with Immorality (and Singleness)
The following article is posted in response to a message I received by an anonymous reader.
Dear anonymous,
I appreciate your concern for the low rate of marriage in the African American community. The central reason for this low rate of marriage is moral, and should not be blamed on black women disproportionately. First, promiscuity is the greatest contributor. Men have vigorous sex drives, and black men, assisted by media and urban myth, have allowed themselves to be driven and defined by sexual desire and conquest. Next, unmarried women who engage in sexual relationships perpetuate the rate of singlesness in the community. Men don’t commit because they don't have to and single abstinent women (a growing number) are not pursued because men continue having sex with women who will, and have no pressure to tame their immorality. But men’s untamed sex drive is just part of this problem; I will mention the other part below.
The second reason for a low rate of marriage within the black community is related to single parenthood, and it is two-pronged. First let me say that single parenthood is only a problem insomuch as it is a problem for unmarried persons to engage in sex. I would speculate that black women are more inconsistent with contraception because of a moral battle inside them—they know sex before marriage is wrong, so they do not necessarily “plan” to have sex and therefore have not planned a consistent birth control method. (I personally don’t advocate artificial methods of birth control, so that’s all I will say about that.) At the same time, (I’m still speculating) African American women are more likely to mistrust contraceptive technologies (due to the sordid history of their creation related to eugenics) and may also (due to low self-esteem) suffer from an inner desire to want to get pregnant in order to maintain a connection to a man, or to have someone to love and who will love them unconditionally. This also perpetuates a cycle of fatherlessness in the African American community.
Single parenthood in African American women is a roadblock to marriage in the sight of a man who is not confident in his ability to husband and father. Being a husband and/or father requires confidence in the ability to provide financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Black men in masse can not look to previous generations of black men as examples of how to handle these responsibilities and instead of seeking help they have generally retreated.
The problems cited by the vlogs you mentioned, overweight and self-hate, are not central factors, they are just visually identifiable. And while they may be related to the central factor, immorality (or the inability to see and relate to God, yourself, and others appropriately), or even self-esteem, they are mainly peripheral.
Dear anonymous,
I appreciate your concern for the low rate of marriage in the African American community. The central reason for this low rate of marriage is moral, and should not be blamed on black women disproportionately. First, promiscuity is the greatest contributor. Men have vigorous sex drives, and black men, assisted by media and urban myth, have allowed themselves to be driven and defined by sexual desire and conquest. Next, unmarried women who engage in sexual relationships perpetuate the rate of singlesness in the community. Men don’t commit because they don't have to and single abstinent women (a growing number) are not pursued because men continue having sex with women who will, and have no pressure to tame their immorality. But men’s untamed sex drive is just part of this problem; I will mention the other part below.
The second reason for a low rate of marriage within the black community is related to single parenthood, and it is two-pronged. First let me say that single parenthood is only a problem insomuch as it is a problem for unmarried persons to engage in sex. I would speculate that black women are more inconsistent with contraception because of a moral battle inside them—they know sex before marriage is wrong, so they do not necessarily “plan” to have sex and therefore have not planned a consistent birth control method. (I personally don’t advocate artificial methods of birth control, so that’s all I will say about that.) At the same time, (I’m still speculating) African American women are more likely to mistrust contraceptive technologies (due to the sordid history of their creation related to eugenics) and may also (due to low self-esteem) suffer from an inner desire to want to get pregnant in order to maintain a connection to a man, or to have someone to love and who will love them unconditionally. This also perpetuates a cycle of fatherlessness in the African American community.
Single parenthood in African American women is a roadblock to marriage in the sight of a man who is not confident in his ability to husband and father. Being a husband and/or father requires confidence in the ability to provide financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Black men in masse can not look to previous generations of black men as examples of how to handle these responsibilities and instead of seeking help they have generally retreated.
The problems cited by the vlogs you mentioned, overweight and self-hate, are not central factors, they are just visually identifiable. And while they may be related to the central factor, immorality (or the inability to see and relate to God, yourself, and others appropriately), or even self-esteem, they are mainly peripheral.
